Where Do We Go From Here?

 

By now we’ve all seen the horrific pictures of mobs charging into the US Capitol building in a vain attempt to stop the final nail in their hero’s political coffin – congressional certification of Joe Biden’s victory over the Toddler-In-Chief Donald Trump.

            The question is what happens now? How do the Democrats react to this unexpected gift from their favorite hate figure? Where do the Republicans, in particular the Republican Party, go from here? How far can the party disassociate itself from its disgraced leader? Does it even want to disassociate itself from him? And what of Trump himself and the rest of his family? Do they fade into the darkness of swamp they brought to Washington? Or do they carry on with their delusions of power and popularity?

This is Trump's so-called base?!

            First things first. The country will heal and prosper as it always has after major shocks like Pearl Harbor, the assassinations and convulsions of the 1960s, 9/11, and now this mayhem. In this task Biden is the perfect Anti-Trump non-drama leader. No ranting, no raving. Just a calm, experienced voice telling us all to take a deep breath and calm down.

The perfect antidote to the lunatics

            The Democrats, of course, are jubilant at the prospect of jamming through their favorite legislation now that they control the White House and both branches of Congress – albeit by the narrowest of margins. After Wednesday’s riot many congressional Republicans – not all by any means – are in shock and in no mood to vigorously oppose Biden. He could probably get Che Guevara confirmed as Secretary of Defence at this point. But the Democrats need to be careful not to make the same mistake the Republicans made by overplaying their partisan dominance. They could play a much stronger long game by showing a little of Biden’s most popular word – bipartisanship. Giving a little now will gain them the moral high ground for a long time as unifiers and healers instead of mere partisan warriors out for blood. That gets old very fast.

            As for the Republican Party itself, well, one has to ask what Republican Party? Will it continue to be party of Trump and his acolytes or will it rebuild itself along the Reagan/Bush axis? Will Trump try to form his own party? I doubt that very much. For one thing it is a very expensive process and Trump has an aversion to spending his own money. Second, and more important, third parties have a very difficult time in the American election system. All he would do is split the Republican vote and ensure Democratic domination for a long time. The only reason I could see him doing it is to spite the Republicans for failing to go along with his lies about the election.

            His family is now so politically toxic it’s extremely doubtful that his two loudmouthed sons have much of a future in democratic (small ‘d’) politics. Maybe in places like Belarus or North Korea but not so much in the United States. His daughter Ivanka may have had visions of representing major luxury brands but now she has about as much chance of doing that as I do of becoming the next James Bond. It’s amazing to see how fast corporations that once fawned over Trump and his family are now back-peddling. ‘Trump? Trump who? Never heard of the guy.’

Rapid trip from First Family to Forgotten Family

            The same goes for the two senators, Ted Cruz of Texas and Josh Hawley of Missouri, who led the anti-certification charge. These are by no means stupid men. Cruz went to Harvard Law School and Hawley went to Yale Law School. Both served as clerks to Supreme Court justices. But both are – or were – consumed by presidential ambitions and probably practiced Hail To The Chief  in front of the bathroom mirror. They hoped to capture Trump’s ‘base’ by challenging congressional certification of Biden’s victory in the name of ‘protecting the integrity of elections’ – as if numerous judicial decisions and recounts had not already accomplished this. They watched their presidential ambitions crumble as the mobs assaulted the Capitol. They may get elected again in their respective states but their national aspirations are over.

            And what about the media organizations who lavished such praise on Trump for the past four years? Rupert Murdoch’s Wall Street Journal and the New York Post – to their credit – repudiated Trump’s election fantasies and are now calling for him to resign. Even Fox News is no longer merely a Trump mouthpiece. Many conservative websites like City Journal have columns that sound like third-rate Mafioso in their back-handed criticism of Trump. ‘The schmuck was worse than criminal. He was stupid.’ They are furious at Trump’s meddling in Georgia – not because it verged on the criminal but because it backfired and resulted in two Democrats winning and giving Democrats control of the Senate. According to these columns this opens the floodgates for hated ‘liberal’ legislation like tax hikes, health care, and – God forbid! – easier immigration. The hysteria of these, and other conservative commentators, is misplaced. With a 50/50 Senate split it would be extremely difficult for the far left to push through much of its desired legislation. More important is that Biden has not expressed the slightest interest in the extreme legislation favored by the far left wing of the party. And he has chosen a cabinet that reflects his own moderate views. Janet Yellen as Treasury Secretary. Merrick Garland as Attorney General. Pete Buttigieg at Transportation. Boston Mayor Marty Walsh as Labor Secretary. The extremely capable Rhode Island governor Gina Raimondo as Commerce Secretary. Anthony Blinken as Secretary of State. No flame throwers there.

            Maybe the upside of the mess that Trump left behind is that the grown-ups now have a chance to get down to the business of actually legislating and getting something done without the Master of Disaster bombarding everyone with his school-yard tirades all day, every day.

Welcome To The Washington Political Theatre

The Tea Party in the United States has accomplished an extremely difficult task. It has made politicians in Greece look positively statesmanlike. Whatever bumbling and fumbling we have seen in Athens over the last several years has now been more than equalled in Washington.

My foreign friends shake their heads is dismay, confusion and anger about what they have been seeing. What is this thing called the Tea Party? How can this group bring the world’s one remaining super-power to the brink of implosion? They watch in amazement as the fanatics in the Tea Party accomplish what no foreign power or terrorists have been able to do – create the impression of an incompetent giant as much of a threat to itself as anyone else in the world.

The best response I can come up with is that much of this nonsense is pure theatre – nothing else. Not very good theatre, but still theatre.There is very little chance that the leading actors of this far-right fantasy will ever get their hands on the levers of real power or change the direction of the American government. The government is already so big with so much inertia and so many vested interests in the status quo -- from retired people, to local governments that desperately need federal assistance, to farmers, to the military/industrial complex, etc, etc. --  that serious, fundamental change is almost impossible. Maybe you can tinker at the margins, but that’s about all.

The Master Of Political Theatre

No less than Republican stalwarts like Ronald Reagan and George Bush came to power claiming they would reverse the spread of ‘big’ government. They soon gave up that quixotic effort. Just consider two major budget items, Social Security and Medicare. Every conservative worthy of the name has railed against these two programs and promised to ‘cut them down to size.’ Never happens. They soon learn that threatening to touch these two is like touching the third rail in a metro system – instant political death. And efforts to cut other government hand-outs are instantly met with loud squeals of protest that can easily transform into votes against the offending politician. Much easier not to rock the boat too much.

The Tea Party act may play well locally, but it weakens dramatically in state-wide contests, and disappears from sight in national elections. The Tea Party is such an appealing target in national elections that if it didn’t exist, President Obama would have to create it. It is the perfect foil for the Democrats, the perfect bogeyman that allows them to scare enough normal people to vote Democratic to keep their benefits. We will probably find out in a few years that the Tea Party poster child Sen. Ted Cruz of Texas is actually on the White House payroll.

Sen. Ted Cruz: Is He Secretly Working For The Democrats?

Just consider the national demographics to realize the futility of the Tea Party protests. The so-called Red States are indeed Red and likely to stay so. Trouble is not many people live in those places, and they don’t really count in national elections. If I were a Democratic strategist I would easily give you relatively empty Wyoming, Montana, and Utah in return for the heavily populated Northeast, California, Illinois and Michigan. The Democrats could probably nominate Darth Vader for president in 2016 and still win.

This is not the first time this very bad play has run in the United States. Through the relatively short history of the country from time to time some clever politician, now aided by the very loud and pugnacious trolls on cable TV, taps into an underlying streak of distrust, fear, and isolationism that runs throughout parts of the US. Big government, big business, big anything, and foreigners of all shapes and colours are blamed for what is wrong with the country. If we get rid of the bums and stick our heads in the sand everything will be all right and go back to the way it was in 1955. The mythology underlying this trend is that the ‘Last Honest Man’ lives anywhere outside corrupted urban areas in a permanent set from the old TV show Leave It To Beaver.

The ultimate cynicism, sell-out if you will, is that most of those Congressmen who rant the loudest about the evils of Washington and other urban areas usually stay in those cities when their political terms are finally over. The lists of lobbyists and leaders of the ‘trade associations’ are filled with former members of Congress who use their Rolodex to slide into multi-million dollar jobs. Somehow the charms of Little House On The Prairie fade in comparison to the seduction of the bright lights and brighter bank accounts in Washington. Anyone who wants to rock this boat with real political convictions is treated like a charter member of Al Qaeda. 

Just consider the case of former Sen. Jim De Mint of South Carolina. Once a leading light of the ‘We-hate-Washington’ Tea Party brigade he resigned his Senate seat last year to become president of the conservative Heritage Foundation located in, you guessed it, Washington. He claimed the move was to ‘expand’ the conservative movement. Right. I don’t know about the expansion of the conservative movement, but his financial situation certainly expanded with a sharp pay increase.

For a full explanation of the incestuous and seductive nature of Washington I recommend Mark Leibovich’s recently published book This Town. It is an engaging tale of how Washington absorbs and molds many who come there with fervent expectations and hopes to change the ‘Town.’ More often than not, it is the ‘Town’ that changes them.

President Hillary Clinton's Inaugural Speech

The tones of Hail to Chief waft over the crowd as President-elect Hillary Clinton takes the podium at her inauguration in 2017.

First of all my fellow Americans, I would like to thank Senator Ted Cruz of the great state of Texas and Senator Mike Lee of the beautiful state of Utah for making this historical moment possible. Without their unstinting efforts to create an America where no middle aged white male is left behind in his country club we would not be here.

Like every newly-elected president I, too, would like to extend my hand in true bipartisan spirit and invite all 20 surviving members of the Republican congressional delegation to a small dinner at the White House. And, contrary to their expectations, I will bake the cookies served for dessert.

 Now, onto my agenda. First, I think the current Supreme Court works too hard – too many cases and not enough people to share the load. Therefore, I propose increasing the number of justices from nine to 11. I will nominate two people with outstanding qualifications that the Senate, with its Democratic majority of 85, should have no trouble confirming. Former presidents Bill Clinton and Barrack Obama have graciously agreed to join the Supreme Court and continue its stellar work of upholding the best of the Constitution.

Practising Her Speech

Then, to show that there are no hard feelings for those who hold sharply different views than my own, I will nominate Rush Limbaugh as our new ambassador to Iran and Glenn Beck as ambassador to the newly created nation of Antarctica. I am sure that with their well demonstrated cultural sensitivity and deep interest in other religions and life styles they will represent the best that America has to offer. I want to assure both men that we will work diligently to correct whatever infrastructure deficiencies like the lack of cable TV or the shortage of a decent golf courses that these two outstanding countries may suffer from.

My other foreign policy initiatives include a fast track toward citizenship for all those rushing to America for a better life style. We will indeed deliver a chicken in every pot -- and a Democratic party registration card -- to all those deserving souls. It is also time, my fellow Americans, to end the decades-long embargo of Cuba. The possibilities for trade in valuable items like cigars, rum, and American voting rights with the attached Democratic Party registration cards are simply too valuable to ignore much longer.

In recognition of America’s pre-eminent position in the world I think it is only fair that we allow the opportunity for other carefully qualified non-Americans to participate in our great elections. Every pre-qualified non-American will get one-half of a vote compared to a full vote for all red-blooded full Americans. Of course, those qualifications will include the willingness and ability to sign the aforementioned Democratic Party registration cards.

Now we all know that one of the first jobs for any American president is to create jobs. Therefore, I am proposing that former House Speaker John Boehner be offered the job as under-gardener in the Rose Garden – the White House Rose Garden. It is indeed tragic that his long service in the House was cut short by the upset win of the gay lesbian rock star Total Tatoo. But I want to assure Mr. Boehner this surprising loss will not mean that he has to leave Washington or join the ranks of the unemployed. I am sure that his well known ability to spread fertilizer will serve him well in his new job.

I know you all want to help our great city of Detroit out of its financial problems. I think we can relieve the pressure on cities like Detroit with a large-scale population transfer of those citizens to the wide-open spaces of Utah, parts of Texas, and Nebraska. I am sure that the good citizens of those states will welcome their new neighbours with open arms instead of loaded arms. Vice President Michelle Obama will be working tirelessly on this effort.

Now you might wonder where the money to fund all these new, exciting programs will come from. I think a surtax of about 50% of the profits of hedge funds – except those who contributed more than $1 million to my campaign – will certainly help plug that funding gap. If this doesn’t do the trick another, temporary of course, surtax of 80% on incomes over $2 million should do the trick.

I would also like to take this opportunity to assure my fellow Americans that we have not sold Alaska back to the Russians  to pay our national debt. There were some preliminary discussions, but these quickly fell apart when Russian President Putin demanded that former governor Sarah Palin be included in the deal. I told him there was no way that we could part with such a national treasure. We countered that we would throw in Idaho and a few counties in Texas instead of Sarah Palin. But he stuck to his demands, so no deal was done.

Again, I must offer my thanks to the Tea Party for its great efforts on my behalf. Is this a great country, or what?