People can love the Tories or loathe them.
But up until now they were usually considered a ‘safe pair of hands’ for
managing the UK government apparatus. They generally knew how the complicated
business of government works. Now, Boris Johnson has achieved something truly
quite remarkable in his relatively short time as British prime minister. Governments can be incompetent. They can be hypocritical.
They even can be arrogant. But rarely do they manage all three at
once. Johnson’s government, in the short span of five months, has achieved this
noteworthy goal. Rather like choosing the first three finishers at the Grand
National. Extraordinary, really.
Driven
by ideological zeal not seen since the religious wars of the Middle Ages this
government prided itself on being the anti-Establishment Elite. They were going
to shake up the stodgy – but hitherto relatively efficient – government
apparatus and consign all Brexit unbelievers to the Tower – if not worse. A
rousing victory over Jeremy Corbyn-led Labour was followed by a lengthy victory
lap. All ministers tainted with some residual affection for strong trade ties
with the European Union were quickly purged and sent to re-education camps. They
were replaced by nonentities whose only qualification seemed to be memorizing
the new Tory anthem. This is the NEW Britain. We will stand proudly alone.
We are at last free to develop trade relations with whomever we want. We will
change Britain! And on, and on, and
on. You could just picture them marching in-step proudly down Whitehall arms swinging vigorously under banners proclaiming the New Order.
And
then something unexpected happened. Reality. The real world in the silent,
deadly form of Corona Virus slipped unseen under the door (as only a
foreign virus would do) and began to devastate large portions of the
population. While alarm bells were ringing in most other serious countries
Britain’s prime minister – not known for hard work at the best of times – saw
no need to interrupt his holiday. Infection, what infection? No reason not to
attend a large sporting event or take part in Chinese New Year celebrations.
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| Infection, what infection. Nice timing, Boris. |
Meanwhile
people were inconveniently becoming very ill and dying in large numbers. Again,
other countries (dare I mention Germany) were taking early precautions and benefiting
from a well-stocked public health service. The brutal, harsh, unforgiving light
of this real crisis rapidly stripped away the millimetre-thin veneer of
competence of this so-called New Elite. Ministers really didn’t have a clue how
to respond and received no guidance from the top. Isolate? Don’t isolate? Keep
schools and shops open? Close them? Let everyone get sick and pray for the
best? Test and trace? What’s that? Whatever you do, don’t for God’s sake tell
me Greece of all countries is testing and tracing!
And
this was even before we get to the sad state of preventive equipment or the
catastrophe in care homes. The PPE
cupboard was bare and the government had to scramble around the rest of the
world looking for simple things like masks and gloves. When a large shipment of
masks arrived from Turkey most of them were unusable. The government never
checked that they were made by a newly formed company in Turkey that had never,
not once, made a mask. Well done, lads. The sheer bumbling incompetence of the
New Elite has us longing for the bowler hats, rolled umbrellas, and pin-striped
suits of the Old Elite.
And
then the draconian Lockdown. All of us – well, most of us anyway – were
consigned to our homes to avoid getting or transmitting Covid-19. Better late
than never – even if most European countries had instituted this policy long
before. But then the back door – Heathrow Airport – was left wide open.
Thousands of international passengers arrived each day and passed straight
through without any testing or tracing at all. By this time the Own Goals were
mounting up. The other team didn’t even have to try.
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| PM's favorite adviser, Dominic Cummings. |
So
much for Incompetence. Arrogance is running a close second. Admit they made
mistakes? You must be joking. Just send the bruised and battered Health
Secretary once again before remorseless TV cameras to assert everything is
under control. Of course we’ll have the required testing in just two weeks.
Well, actually, better make that six weeks. Rather reminds one of the Charge of
the Light Brigade. That didn’t work out well, either.
Meanwhile,
Hypocrisy is making a late charge on the outside. Remember, all of us are in
this together. Stay Home. Save Lives. Save the NHS. Unless, of course, you’re a
cabinet minister or key adviser. The government could have blunted the impact
of wandering ministers and advisers getting caught by simply apologizing and
saying it wouldn’t happen again. But then it’s only Old Establishment wimps who
see the need to apologize for anything to anyone. This is the age of the Dirty
Harry (Make My Day) Tory. Apologize? Of course not. Nothing to apologize for.
We’re the new Elite. We can do whatever we want. Boris Johnson went so far as
to say he was sorry that people were upset at his key aide’s journey. Not sorry
about the journey itself, mind you. Just that some people were upset about it.
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| Who is running the country? Sir Humphrey or Dominic? |
And
this is the team that is supposed to lead the UK to the sunny uplands of prosperity
and national pride? Makes Yes Minister look very good indeed. Sir
Humphrey, where are you when we need you?
