The Dog Ate My Homework

There is absolutely nothing remotely humorous about Covid-19 or the terrible toll it is taking on thousands of families across the UK. If the disease itself wasn’t bad enough the people of the UK are staggering under the additional weight of a blundering, incompetent government more intent on denial and blame shifting than finding solutions. The writers of that wonderful British television series Yes Minister could not possibly in their wildest imagination come up with a script to rival what we are witnessing every day.

            In their constant denial of the obvious lack of preparation ministers ignore the most important rule of political survival – stop digging. Admit the mistake, move on and work to correct the situation. This is something the people might believe. But instead of effective leadership, however, what we have is a collection of overgrown schoolboys whose only excuse is ‘the dog ate my homework’.

This is the best excuse ministers can come up with?

            Government ministers – obsessed with WW II – love to invoke the oft-cited Blitz Spirit where everyone made a super-human effort to survive. The image quickly falls apart, however, when you remember that the war-time government worked quickly to mobilize the population and develop effective weapons like the famous Spitfire fighter plane. While the NHS is working heroically with dwindling supplies the current government, in contrast, can’t even come up with a humble face mask let alone a fighter plane.

            The litany of errors and omissions was hammered home in a lengthy story in one of the government’s staunchest supporters – The Sunday Times. Normally a back-bone of Tory and Brexit support the paper condemned the government’s tepid and tardy response to the virus outbreak. The paper revealed that the initial response was delayed while the government did a victory lap over Brexit, the prime minister took a two-week break and didn’t bother to attend critical meetings early in the crisis, there was no clear strategy to deal with the problem, critical equipment was in short supply, and vital testing fell far behind countries like Germany. Adding insult to injury ministers gave no clear explanation for these omissions. All we got were excuses and vapid promises that ‘things would get better.’

                        The challenges posed by Covid-19 are indeed huge, but a few other countries like Germany, New Zealand and even Greece have dealt with them in a far more professional manner. The government of Greece has accomplished what I previously thought was impossible – getting Greeks to obey social distancing rules, even during the Easter weekend.

            While the Germans are administering more than 100,000 tests per day the UK government can’t even manage 40,000 a day. The flustered health minister had earlier said they would be conducting 100,000 a day by the end of April. Not likely.

            Then Prime Minister Boris Johnson himself fell ill and spent a few very nervous days in hospital. Fortunately, he recovered and is now recuperating in the prime minister’s country home. In a wonderful bit of irony the Brexit-loving prime minister heaped praise on two nurses who cared for him, but failed to mention that neither of them was British and that they would have a hard time working in post-Brexit Britain.

            His lengthy recuperation is understandable but again the government was left in a vacuum. Who exactly was in charge? What poor unprepared unfortunate will be sent in front of the TV cameras – like a deer caught in headlights -- to explain the unexplainable? Ministers dodged the tough questions, such as how we get out of this mess, and gave nothing but bromides about how hard everyone, especially the NHS, is working. Undoubtedly the NHS deserves all the praise and hand clapping it can get, but I think more and better protective equipment would undoubtedly be even more appreciated.

Exactly why is this critical equipment in short supply?

            For some as-yet-unexplained reason the country is running out of the personal protective equipment needed by the front-line staff. Imagine an officer in WW I telling the troops to ‘go over the top’ dressed only in their underwear and carrying nothing more than mess kits. In a poorly conceived effort to deflect attention from this glaring problem the government sent the Deputy Chief Medical Officer before the cameras. That didn’t work out well. I’m sure that Dr. Jenny Harries is an eminently qualified public health physician. But a skilled communicator with the ability to calm a nervous nation she is not. She could have admitted the shortage of equipment and listed a number of steps the government was taking to remedy the situation. She did just the opposite. With the failures of preparation obvious to anyone with a pulse she praised the government’s preparation as ‘exemplar’. You could almost hear TV screens across the country getting shattered in angry frustration. Then the poor woman couldn’t stop. She carried on in the best head-girl patronising tone to say that ‘we could have a more adult conversation about PPE supplies.’  I’m sure there are thousands of NHS staff who would love to have that ‘adult’ conversation as they are forced to re-use old equipment.

           

            In the midst of all this the government said it definitely would not agree to extend the Dec. 31 deadline for a Brexit treaty with the EU. Jesus wept! At a time when the country has to import much of its food, and the government has to beg, borrow or steal medical equipment from other countries do the ministers not think it prudent to extend these negotiations to make up for time lost with Covid-19? Forget political gamesmanship for once. The only answer I can think of is that they really don’t want a treaty at all and are happy to have No Deal with all the ensuing chaos and blame the EU. But this isn’t a school-boy game of one-upmanship. Real lives are at stake. Maybe it’s time to call in the grown-ups and shuffle this current group of ministers back to their well-deserved obscurity.

This Crisis Is Bringing Out Long-Buried Skills

It’s amazing how this virus with its lock-down and social distancing edicts has made us draw on skills that have remained buried deep in our DNA for thousands of years. The streets are now filled with stealthy hunters gathering early in the mornings waiting for a herd of fast-disappearing Andrex or the ever-elusive face masks to come to the local watering hole.

Early hunter gatherers (graphic art courtesy of Mariella)

 

In Britain this crisis has also revealed that survival-of-the-fittest Darwinism and the population theories of Thomas Malthus (both Brits, by the way) are alive and well. One of the reasons that the UK lags far behind counties such as Germany in Coronavirus testing is that’s its initial response was the so-called ‘herd-immunity’ – something like ‘we’re all going to get sick anyway so let’s get sick and then the herd (us) will develop an immunity to this virus. If people die along the way, well that’s too bad but inevitable. So what’s the point of wasting money on testing.’ Underlying this belief was the unstated – publicly anyway – belief that this ‘culling of the herd’ was long overdue. It was a little disconcerting to hear people who get upset at the thought of culling badgers express such eagerness for culling a large part of the human population. Rather makes one feel like the sheep  just before Easter.

Time to think about moving on -- rapidly

After the death toll from the virus began to mount sharply and the potential cullees expressed some displeasure at being shipped off to the knacker’s yard the government did one of its patented U-turns. It announced it was working hard to ramp up testing and that its earlier policy was ‘misunderstood’. The government has quite a bit of ‘ramping’ to do. Germany – a country whose population is larger than the UK’s – manages at least 50,000 tests a day while the UK can’t even manage 10,000.

This enforced home stay has also reinforced my earlier belief that certain home appliances are not to be touched. I grant you that washing clothes has evolved a bit beyond women gathering at a local stream and beating one’s clothes over a handy rock. But it should not be beyond the wit of man to design a machine that does not require a degree in mechanical engineering to operate. In a burst of enthusiasm a few years ago when my wife was out I decided to help by doing the laundry. Simple, right? Put the clothes - regardless of color - in the machine, dump in a little washing powder, push a couple of buttons and away you go. Actually, not so simple. Confronted with a control panel that would not be out of place on a nuclear submarine one resorts to the tried-and-tested formula of ‘more is better than less and hotter is better than colder.’ Thinking to save drying time I moved what I thought was the spin dial to maximum, shut the door and proudly pushed the start button. Alas, the result when I opened the door about an hour later was not entirely satisfactory. First, what I thought was the spin dial was actually the heat dial. Therefore, some of the clothes that went into the washing machine emerged a few sizes smaller. My wife is small. But not that small. Second, the color. You know, it’s amazing what very hot water and too much washing powder will do to colors. Suffice it to say that my view that this by-now multi-colored blouse was quite stylish was not widely shared. Even in these dire times I am banned from the washing machine.

Oh well, we tried

Those of you have read my two previous posts will be delighted to hear that Emmanuel Kant has made it down from the upper reaches of the bookcase. Not to be read, mind you. Not yet, anyway. But in a fit of general cleaning it was declared that all those books were just gathering dust and it was time to take them down to way for a duster. It was similarly declared that as long as the authorities were talking about culling it just might be a good time to a little culling closer to home. I think one or two books might have been ‘deselected’ – temporarily at least – but the others were put back exactly as they were. Emmanuel was dusted and given pride of place where the sheer bulk of the volume gave it extra duty as a book-end. As for the deselected books. Now that the local charity shop has been closed for the duration I suspect those volumes will find their way back among their brethren.